Lady Huffinpuff

One of my "hobbies" is huffing. stuff that smells amazing.

If I find something I like I get a bit obsessed. The problem is, most of the best smelling stuff is the most expensive! So I spend a lot of time online-coveting and dousing myself in luxury perfumes in shops. Here are my smelly obsessions:

I tried on Laura Mercier Creme de Pistache perfume and hours later, my nose was still glued to my wrist. I just didn't want to stop smelling it! So it's almost TOO good if you know what I mean? The perfume is really expensive, about €60 so I bought the (still expensive) hand lotion for about €19 and reapplied it about 50 times a day until I ran out.

Korres Thyme Honey hand lotion is deeeeelishous too and actually a better hand cream than the Laura Mercier. I love honey-smelling anything. So wholesome and pure whilst decadent and sweet. It's made with actual honey, not just perfume and it's mouthwatering. It was about €8 in Harvey Nichols.

Scented candles. But not just any old Yankee shit: Neom Candles. I got one as a present last year and I've been buying them pretty regularly since. They are €16 in Brown Thomas which seems like a lot for a little candle but they last for ages and are all natural - don't smell synthetic at all. My favourites are the Serenity (Vanilla and Sandalwood) and Refresh (Sicilian Lemon and Basil). You can actually get a whiff of them when they're unlit sometimes.

Bobbi Brown Beach perfume. It smells like this mixture of coconut and gardenia and suntan lotion and the seaside. It might be my favourite smell ever and I covet anything with this scent. It began with Ambre Solaire sun lotion - they started making high SPF oils last year and I fucking love them. I noticed "monoi" on the label, and so began my obsession. Elemis Frangipani Monoi Moisture Melt is high on the list.

So. Yeah. That's what this post is about. Smelly stuff.

I make lists all the time.

I have a To Do List - which is what I should have done today, things that are long overdue or simple tasks that I haven't got around to and that I feel bad about and lie awake thinking about. There is the To Do (General) List which consists of things that can wait. There is the Wish List, Gift Ideas list, Places to Go list, Stuff to Read. At the moment I'm not getting though any of them.

I'm trying to be careful about myself and not do things that will fuck me up and make me feel bad. And I am. I finished work on Friday and went home and had two glasses of wine.

However, on Saturday, the my car alarm fob stopped working and I didn't know what do to so I sat in the spare room and sobbed silently for Ooooh, about twenty minutes. Later, I replaced the battery and fixed it.

And yesterday, I got up late to find to my lovely boyfriend doing the washing up and hoovering and went back to lie on my unmade bed in my dressing gown, with tears running down my face for a half hour. It's a crushing feeling.

I have been so GOOD. I've been walking to or from work a lot more, eating low GI foods, not smoking (well, rarely) and cooking nutritious, cheap food and eating leftovers for lunch. I've been going to therapy (on time!) and writing in my diary and trying to read more. I will be making progress and then suddenly I'm wiped. I can't keep up. I'm overwhelmed and come to an abrupt stop. I tune out.

I have not worked today at all. Like, at all.

In the past, I used to find swimming very relaxing. When I was 12, I used to go over to the local pool almost EVERY night (for a while) and swim, swim, swim. In Melbourne, I found a lovely genteel pool with skylights for afternoon dips. I always found time and places for swimming. Maybe I should do it again. The thought of having to wear a swimsuit in public, with other (slim, fit) people around. And the fact my recently-refurbished local public pool has floor-to-ceiling windows and unisex showers....

Anyway. I will start posting again. I have ideas. IDEAS I tell you! I can't promise they will be any good but this blog exists as my own personal show and tell to everyone and no-one.

ps Depressing January post now ticked off my list.

Angie Baby

I have been trying to recall a certain song that really scared me as a child - probably about 6 or 7. It was a tape of my mum's, and I have tried to get her to identify it with the bits of it I could recall: it was about a girl who listened to the radio, and someone disappeared. I was convinced it was the Carpenters. Then, last night, I found it and it's flipping brilliant and still creepy:

I just realised last night that I always thought that vampires had straws built into their fangs. To drink the blood.

I turn 30 on Wednesday and I'm pretty pissed off about it. I've been working so hard and long that I haven't had time to organise anything. I never bother doing anything much for my birthday but I really wanted to have a party this year. I was hoping that someone might throw me a surprise but then realised last week that was genuinely not the case. So instead I'm going to the pub for a few drinks. It's all quite depressing and I feel quite sorry for myself about it.

Whilst I was working from home yesterday, Nathan was trying to annoy me by pelting me with stupid questions from the couch. He asked me if I had a girl band, what would I call it. And I came up with The Fanny Pack right there on the spot. Fucking Genius.

I don't need his love, I really want him, right?

I played this song about 27 times yesterday. Bopping around with my headphones on at work.

I read a description elsewhere that this song has "lyrics that are about every guy’s dream girlfriend". Obviously written by some twit of a man who completely missed the point. That really bothered me and was going round in my head a bit too much.

It's written by a GIRL about HERSELF and her love. It is not written about a man's ideal girlfriend you idiot. She is doing "exactly what I want when I'm with him and when I'm not".

It's a simple song about love and I wish I had written it and I CANNOT STOP PLAYING IT.

these guys are so good/funny/serious

Just got the best of Depeche Mode after deciding I love and need this song.
I might have a thing for Dave Gahan in king mode. Maybe it's the crown.

They're basically a pack of adorable nerds.

another boring jogger

View 20 minutes in a larger map

I just jogged for twenty minutes. Three kilometres. A few weeks ago I was jogging for one minute intervals. 20 minutes, non stop. I can't believe it. Wouldn't call it running now, it's definitely jogging that I do.

I am so surprised and proud of myself. I have never been sporty or athletic in any stage of my life, and I'm still not. I have always avoided sports, because I was so self-conscious and felt incapable and stupid.

And on another weirder level, I think I was afraid how it would put me in a vulnerable position. If I'm wheezing, out of breath, sweaty and red faced, how will I defend myself and look like I couldn't give a shit and think fast if I'm being laughed at?

Can you tell I'm in therapy now? It's the bee's knees.

I think I'm officially a grown up: a little girl I used to babysit is now engaged. Jaysus.

taking care of bidness

As you all (hahahhaa) can see, I am not much of a committed blogger. I've been busy and really, trying to write in an offline, private diary for myself. Even though there's nobody much reading here, scribbling in a journal is so different. Nobody else will read it. And that means I can write the MOST embarrassing, fleeting, dramatic, cheesy thoughts and feelings in it. 

Our living room was flooded on Saturday. Now we are living on a damp concrete floor. It's not the worst, nothing was damaged. I keep threatening Nathan with going the whole minimalist hog - concrete floors, exposed brick walls, lots of chrome and glass. Yeah right, I am way too hoardy to be minimal. 

Work colleagues just pointed out that's three things this summer: car crash, flat burgled, floor flooded. It sounds  really bad but honestly, it's wasn't. Nobody was hurt in the crash, although my new old car is nowhere near as good as my old old car. I don't have much valuable stuff to steal, although I had cool stuff saved on my ipad. They didn't take my laptop, thankfully, which still has loads of photos I haven't saved to hard drive. Lucky!

And the flooding only damaged the carpet and is a bit of a pain. Gosh I sound so positive I might make myself sick. But I except for throwing a bit of a huff about the state of my nice flat on Saturday, these things haven't really gotten me down. 

I've started jogging and I'm apparently doing a 5k "fun run" on Saturday morning. I'm actually quite proud of myself, that I have been doing it. Actually JOGGING. I mean, I started last month, did it three times a week for oh, a whole two weeks. Then I stopped for a month. But I have jogged 9 times in the last two weeks. I did a run on Sandymount Strand the other night - 3 x 5 minutes. That is huge for me. Sad but true!

And I've been back in weekly therapy. I had a month break, cos I was away and working, but I'm back. I've had quite mixed feelings about it. You know, like, what am I wasting my money for, there's nothing wrong with me, feeling like a greedy spoiled child because I'm paying to talk to someone. Wondering if it's helpful, what the point is? But I'm glad I'm going. It's different from any other relationship, being so intimate and so distant. I'm glad I'm doing it. It's about time. 

This blog post struck chord with me. I'm trying to get  better at avoiding doing things that make me feel shit. Reading more, drinking less, exercising more, being with friends. Cut down on compulsive behaviour (like online window shopping, buying moisturizers and way too much food) and leaving work at the proper time. 

It's good advice. 

Our flat was broken into this Monday afternoon. Someone kicked the front door in whilst we were at work. They took more of nathans stuff than mine: the techy man-cave that he saved up to kit out is now quite empty. Poor thing! Gonna see if I can buy him a new playstation. Wouldn't that be a nice thing to do?

The thing I miss most is all my bookmarks are gone. I had some brilliant recipes and things I meant to read and a wish list.
How utterly dreadful for me!

Recently purchased

The Perfect Glasses?

*Update: No. No they are not the perfect glasses. They are horribly Harry Potter on me and I will not be wearing them.

*not me (I wish!)

Update: This is a stronger colour than I thought but I like it. Haven't got a clue where I can wear this. It fits nicely but I need to lose weight from my arse to make it hang properly.

Very Autumn. Now I just need the boots.

I can't WAIT for next week to be over. I have been working on a week long event and not a very glam one at that.

Sometimes it's tough to do a job like this, where you can make endless lists but there's nobody to tell you if you've forgotten anything on it.

I've seen a therapist 7 times now. We're going to "review" next week. I veer between feeling glad I'm going and wondering what the hell I'm doing it for? But I like her and I'll keep going. It's strange and new to me to say to a persons face that I didn't want to meet her and felt like inventing excuses or obstacles and reasons why it would be better not to come.

I thought I might buy a journal and write in it from time to time, l like I did when I was 16 - 20. It's far more private and emotional than blogging. It's venting. It's pretentious. It's cringy. Sometimes I write things I don't mean, make imaginary decisions (I am NEVER talking to her AGAIN!). Nobody can hold you to anything you write in a diary. Haven't actually got round to buying the perfect notebook yet.

*update 1st sept: I stopped googling "leather notebook with lock" and bought a notebook in paperchase. I have written in it once.

Caherdaniel, Kerry

Three Nights in Kerry, June

Kilcoole to Greystones

Easter in Berlin

Good Friday, Kreutzberg, heading to the Canal

At the Sunday Market and public afternoon karaoke.

Brilliant band playing when the market's finishing

Lift home, sardines in back of camper van

Easter Monday

Spa Break, Westmeath, May

Secretly Sentimental

My battered old beautiful car just got taken away. Ive just come after standing in the road in my tights and feet watching it drive off. The scrappage man was remarkably businesslike.

I was brought back to when my parents traded in our brown car with tweedy seats. I was about 6. I remember getting quite deeply upset and sniffling into the upholstery. I knew it was really silly and expected to be laughed. When we got to the garage and they were paperworking, I walked off on my own and bawled silently.

My mum realised and when I told her why I was so sad, she surprised me by crying a little while she laughed and placated me.

Jinxy

This is getting weird now:

Last week, driving to Kerry, out of nowhere I proclaimed that I loved tomatoes so much that if I ever became allergic to them "I'd have to kill myself". Not a week later, I'm off them indefinitely after some bad reactions. What the fuck? I eat tomatoes every day and NOW they give me horrible, horrible heartbun?

This morning, driving to town and out of nowhere I professed my love my car and sang the Toyota Yaris' praises for a good 5 minutes solid. Twenty minutes later, I was rear-ended by a dude in a van and my car is probably a write-off.

I'm keeping my mouth shut for the time being.

Gah! Robyn is Amazing!

I have replayed this almost constantly since hearing it a few hours ago. And finally bought Body Talk.

I think I've joined a band

I met with three dudes, one of whom I know pretty well on Wednesday to "jam". It was pretty funny. I've never been part of any sort of musical process, so I really had no idea what to expect. Would they want me to stand in front of them and sing Big Spender? Should I have written something? Where do I come in? How do I take part?

What actually happened was the four of us sat in a tiny room and they tootled around on instruments while I listened. Then they played Upside Down and I sang along to give them an idea of what I sing like. Which apparently was grand, because we went on to make up a song called We Make Party in which I sing in a German accent - a surefire international hit.

To the East

Never heard of this band until a couple of days ago. I heard from halfway through, love it, got home and googled the lyrics. Again, I prefer to listen without the video. What a song!

Last week, I realised that we had forgotten our anniversary, the 3rd of May. Which was a bit pathetic. Nathan promised to make me a special dinner this weekend. He is not a cook. I mean, he'll make me dinner but it will generally be some form of sandwich. His "speciality" is penne pasta with mince, tomato sauce, red onion, red peppers and grated cheddar cheese.

So I was very impressed when he opened a bottle of champage this afternooon and served this:

Lamb with chickpea, parsley, tomato, red onion and tzatziki. A triumph! This is majah.

Do you like my placemats? I love them.

The stacks of Orbit chewing gum are his - we've both given up smoking and he is a total gum ADDICT. I only smoke when I'm out boozing now. The flat smells so much better!

Cinnabun Success!

I really love cinnamon buns, especially ones from Simon's Cafe, Georges Street Arcade. I was look for a recipe that didn't involve the American measurements or predilection for smothering them in icing (yuck!).

I used a mixture of this and this recipe. The first is simpler, and I didn't have cardamom or ryvita like the Guardian recipe asks for, but I prefer to bake them separate from eachother so they go all brown. And I added way more cinnamon and brown sugar that Dan Lepard uses.

I'll make double next time.

Shop, Estapona

I want those tiles.

Kathy & Mark

Curved Street, Temple Bar

On my way to work a few weeks ago, haven't a clue what it was for.

Macho Barbers, Venice

Lower Abbey Street, Dublin 1

Patrick's Day Walk

Up Powerscourt's Hill(?), the Sally Gap. Had the place to all to myself except for one man, in an all-black tracksuit and baseball cap, walking a while behind me. On my way back down I had to pass him and started thinking, what if he's a weirdo who stabs me and there's nobody around for miles and miles? We eventually passed eachother. He was about 70 and smiled and said, Beautiful day, isn't it! as he strode past.

Arklow, Dec 2010

Cork, Dec 2010

Today I am attempting cinnamon buns, drawing up a budget for a festival and posting a shitload of photos.

Estapona to Gaucin, 1st September 2010

Sulky Teenage Gondolier

Click to enlarge

I am going to Venice on Wednesday morning! I have been really excited about getting to see Venice and wander around on my own. I'm even looking forward to getting up early and flying and all that. I generally love airports and flying...and duty free.

However, I got a bit of a shock when I saw my emails this morning. I'm standing in for my boss and I don't think she fully realised what she was sending me too. I mean, this is a proper conference. With "working groups". Eeep. I actually have to read like a maniac tomorrow so I'll be able to parrot some memorised points about youth and engagement and bla di fucking bla.

All I have in mind is: when do we get to leave each afternoon/ evening? Will I be able to say anything reasonably informed? Or will I be sitting there mute, like a sulky teenager? OR will I get nervy and talk incessant crap? I'm staying here.

Meanwhile, we moved to the flat next door. It came up last week by surprise. It all happened very fast and I managed to get very sentimental and cry twice about our "poor old lonely empty flat". We're moved now into the same but opposite flat, which is bigger (2nd bedroom!) and more modern. I'm so thrilled with little things like look how the cupboards have SHELVES! and there's a light underneath the cupboards! And I can take a shower in the morning with no fuss - I just HOP IN! No getting up at 6 to turn on the immersion! I made dinner last night and we ate dinner at the TABLE, not sitting on the couch craning over a coffee table!

It's all VERY grown up.

Don't Look Now

I might be sent to VENICE for work next week.

Smidgen nervous about having to attend a conference that I no interest and no knowledge in but I think I can work up a will to blag it for the chance to get to stay in VENICE for FREE!

Cross your muthafuckin fingahs for me

Me and my mystery man giving good bitchface.

And?

Two Very Important Thoughts I Had Today.

One, what is up with these shoes? I keep seeing them. It's not the platform heel, it's the way the bottom of the shoe is sort of chopped off. Love platforms, HATE this thing.

Secondly, I really like Janice in Friends and don't get why those dudes were so snooty towards her. I get that she has an "annoying" voice, but she's really nice!

Yeah, I haven't been up to much lately.

Good things:

I passed my driving test.

I booked flights to Berlin for Easter weeekend

I had presents ready-to-give to Nathan for his 30th bday last week.

I found a cookbook I really want: At Elizabeth David's Table. Amazing.

My hair is shiny.

I'm taking the 18th of March off so I'm only working a half week that week.

I found something at work that I thought I had lost and was shitting myself and avoiding facing.

I made pancakes and flipped them.

I made delicious soup and fairy cakes and coq au vin recently.

I'm really getting into reading books on my Ipad: YAY it has a use!

I'm on a vitamin buzz to counteract my mountainous mood swings (not sure if this is good)

Bad things:

I can't stop eating biscuits.

I can't stop eating biscuits.

I can't stop eating biscuits.

Today I saw a man pushing a pram with shopping bags and walking a ferret on a lead.

Austere Shoebox

We've been looking for a new place to live. Have you SEEN the shit people rent out to other. Moreover, they don't try to clean most place up for the ad photos. The old fisheye lens is out in force so you can never trust the pictures. And WHAT is with the overuse of 'Buttercup' painted walls and green patterned carpets?

However, I've had my eye on this cosy little place for a while. This is the living / dining room / kitchen:

AND it's a two bed!!

This place also looks charming:

But this one has them beat- it's got a "Caribbean Bar" in the deary garden - LUXURIOUS!

Ok I suppose it has an outdoor heater which is kind of cool.

*Update: I found us one!

This is the cheapest aka saddest "house" in Ireland currently on daft.ie at €10,000.